An Australian “sexuality educator” has created a heated debate among online users for suggesting that ask a for permission before changing their
Deanne Carson argues that a “culture of consent” needs to start at birth, sparking curiosity and confusion from the online community, with one netizen asking if it’s also necessary to get “consent from your cat to change its litter tray.”
In a world where parenting techniques are evolving faster than ever, the topic of consent is making its way into unexpected areas, including diaper changes.
Asking a baby for consent before a changing a dirty nappy might sound impractical, mostly because newborns and infants lack the verbal skills to reply.
But Deanne Carson argues that it’s less about receiving a formal answer and more about setting the foundation for consent and respectful boundaries as early as possible.
According to Carson – who a “sexuality educator, speaker, and author” on Twitter – a culture of consent needs to start at birth.
She explains the idea is to emphasize respect for the child’s body and autonomy. By narrating actions – like “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that okay?” – and pausing to read body language, parents can introduce infants to the concept of personal agency.
Building trust and communication
The self-proclaimed expert argues that this practice isn’t meant to wait for a verbal “yes” but to encourage a two-way communication path between parent and child.
“Of course, a baby is not going to respond, ‘yes mum, that is awesome, I’d love to have my nappy changed,” Carson said in an interview with Australia’s ABC network. “But if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact then you are letting that child know that their response matters.”
Pediatricians and early childhood experts often emphasize the value of responding to a baby’s non-verbal cues, like coos, giggles, or movements, as part of healthy communication. Incorporating consent into diaper changes aligns with this by making babies aware, on some level, of what is happening and involving them in the process.
‘Left lunacy’
But not everyone sees this approach as practical or necessary, and critics argue that infants are far too young to understand the concept of consent.
Rowan Dean, editor of The Spectator Australia said the idea of asking a baby’s permission to change their nappy is “lefty lunacy.”
And – a psychologist, columnist and parenting expert – writes that Carson wins the title of “the Weird and Even Weirder for the Most Bizarre Idea of All Time.”
“Once upon a time, and not all that long ago, a person who proposed that parents should ask infants for consent to change their diapers would be regarded by everyone except herself as deranged,” Rosemond writes in the Reno Gazette Journal. “In this paradoxical fashion, Carson’s ‘culture of consent’ becomes instead a family culture of confusion, mistrust, denial and all-around dysfunction.”
Online, Carson’s remarks set off a firestorm of conversations, with many on social media mocking her ideas and criticizing her credentials.
“Pretty sure when a baby is crying due to the discomfort of a full diaper…that’s consent. In fact, I would go further and call it a demand,” writes one online user.
A second offers, “A self-proclaimed ‘expert’ wants parents to ask permission before changing their child’s diaper. This tells me she has no experience with kids whatsoever.”
A third netizen responded to a clip saying: “Do you need to get consent from your cat to change its litter tray? No. If it stinks change it. Same with a baby. If it does wee or pooh just change it!!!” And another adds, “Leaving a child in a dirty nappy is legally recognised as child abuse. Does this nut job believe in child abuse? She is more dangerous than those advocating for no jabs.”
Some people however jumped to her defence and said Carson’s intentions were good even if the example she used was not.
One netizen writes, “I’m seriously shocked at the negative response you got to this…babies [and] toddlers learn to communicate well before they can speak. Thank you for tolerating the trolls to create dialogue about this. Even if you’re wrong, what possible harm is there [in] showing respect?”
A second comments, “I think she wants to encourage a conversation about consent amongst kids but has made a mockery of it by taking it to the extreme. Babies can’t consent to anything. Ever. They’re babies! Their safety and survival needs are assumed.”
Another pens, “I agree with Deanne Carson. Easy to chat to your baby. Easy to create a climate of consent in your home.”
While the debate continues, people agree that there’s value in being mindful and communicative with infants, even if it’s not strictly about consent.
Ultimately, the choice to “ask” for consent may come down to individual parenting styles and comfort levels. For some, asking for consent is just one more way to cultivate a respectful, loving relationship with their infants; for others, it may be enough to simply engage, observe, and respond to their baby’s needs.
What are your thoughts on Carson suggesting that parents ask babies for permission when it comes to dirty diapers? Please let us know what you think and then share this story so we can hear from others!
